i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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