I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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