Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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