is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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