I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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