some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..