my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We had sex on a dog bed..
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm