I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"