You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
