You can't motorboat a personality
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
