His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I wish there were birth control emojis
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
