Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.