Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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