worst night to have a conscience
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
