careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
