I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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