i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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