i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
