Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
