If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
