Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
do nipples grow back?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
