one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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