I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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