When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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