hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
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He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
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When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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