Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
