Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
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