Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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