She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
