I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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