i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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