fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.