Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
