im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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