So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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