It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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