I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize