You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
it was like eating out sand paper
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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