I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
