As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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