I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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