I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
