I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize