can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
