i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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