her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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