he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
