I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I puked a lego.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
