definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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