i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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