Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
