i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Drunk is not a location!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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