I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
