There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Also, beer. Big fan.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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