Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize