I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize