are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
