Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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