Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
