Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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