Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I can text with my tongue
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
