Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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