I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
