A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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