what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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