were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
