Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize