Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
