when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
